Almost 20 years after first release, the ‘Army Men’ video games are available again

Many of us remember playing with army men as a kid — lining up the infamous green and tan soldiers in order to play out epic battles in our imaginations, making a variety of “pew pew” and “kaboom” sound effects as we knocked down the little plastic warriors. But for those of us who took to the world of computer gaming at a young age, the name Army Men might bring back a few different memories.

The Army Men video game franchise by The 3DO Company first debuted in 1998. It started as a gritty top-down squad-based shooter, where players could drive tanks and Jeeps, wield a variety of weapons and command squads of plastic troopers.

Throughout the years, the series evolved and developed a distinct and unforgettable flavor. It eventually moved to console platforms like the PlayStation 2 and Xbox, where it became progressively more edgy until it imploded on itself before it faded into obscurity.

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I owned a five-disc set of the first few games, but after years of wear and tear and the poor handling of a naive child, they eventually stopped working. After checking the various classic game sites like gog.com and turning up nothing, I’d given up hope of ever playing them again.

But as luck would have it, the first three games and the franchise’s real-time strategy spinoff are now available on Steam, in a $24 bundle no less. But how do they hold up nearly 15 years later?

Army Men (1998)

While simplistic overall, the original Army Men game is both mechanically and aesthetically pleasing. While a little unpolished, it still makes for one of the most genuine classic PC gaming experiences around.

The gritty, blurred, yet oddly realistic graphics are pleasing to look at, though the voice acting is crude, while the music is usually a 16-bit version of famous classical songs.

Gameplay offers a moderate challenge, with enemies boasting surprisingly effective AI. They crouch to avoid your fire, run to go get help and then return to attack in a mob. They actively avoid both incoming fire and the treads of your vehicles, leading to some rather comical situations when trying to run down a fleeing enemy.

The game has squad commanding elements, but the AI is far more limited than that of the enemies. It takes some practice to learn the best way to issue orders, with soldiers ignoring enemies because their priority is following your commands blindly like tiny green lemmings.

A game this old takes a little getting used to compared to modern titles. There are several control schemes, but none of them flow well with a modern gamer’s instinct. The mouse cursor is bound to a 360 degree circle around your main character, but with a little practice it feels surprisingly smooth.

The greatest tragedy of the Steam re-release is that the multiplayer/skirmish mode has been stripped out, leaving only the three campaign missions. But those campaigns are both long and satisfying.

Army Men II (1999)

Coming out less than a year after the first game, Army Men II is a wholesale improvement. Losing is also fun now, as each level has a special, comical cutscene to illustrate your demise.

The game progresses the series into a Toy Story-esque theme, where players go from the Plastic World to the Real World. Environmental elements become a factor as you’ll need to worry about everything from stove tops melting your troops to wild cockroach attacks.

While playing nearly the same as the first game, the sequel is far more polished. The mouse cursor is free to move around the screen instead of being bound around your character. You can also experiment with more weapons. The first game had a selection of typical soldier gear, such as flamethrowers, RPGs, and mortars. Now you can melt your enemies with a magnifying glass or blow them up with firecrackers.

Players now have full control of each squad member, all of which have names and can be kept alive from level to level, meaning that a careful commander will have a full-fledged army by the end of the game. Players can command them sort of like an RTS, with selection boxes and precise move orders making the game a little easier to micromanage.

Army Men: Toys in Space (1999)

The final top-down game of the series, Army Men: Toys in Space pulls no punches. It is hands down the hardest and most complete game of the series and plays at a much faster pace.

The Green Army has found new allies in a society of friendly space toys during their operations in the Real World, but so too have the Tan, whose martian invader allies threaten to conquer the Plastic World.

Enemy units are as strong as the player’s, leading to a huge, inevitable mortality rate among your army. When fired upon, they’ll often hit the ground, roll out of the way, retreat and regroup to quickly attack again.

While the skirmish modes were removed from the new versions of the previous two games, they’re still present in this one, though with no multiplayer and a lot of bugs. There’s a wealth of game modes and the AI for each team color, four in total, use different strategies.

If the first two games were too easy or managed to convert you into an Army Men fan, this entry will put both those notions to the test.

Army Men: RTS (2002)

Think Apocalypse Now meets Toy Story and you get the gist of what Army Men: RTS offers. When a Green colonel suffers a traumatic injury and loses his mind, he goes Tan. So the best and brightest of the Green Army head deep into enemy territory to take him down.

After the success of the Army Men franchise on gaming consoles, PC fans were left out, with few ported versions making their way over. In 2002, when real time strategy games were booming in popularity, Pandemic Studios adapted the characters and story of the console Army Men’s shooter-based games to make the most unique entry to the series: Army Men: RTS.

While ultimately dwarfed by titles like Warcraft 3, Army Men: RTS offered a balanced and unique, though ultimately clunky alternative. The campaign is decently long and there are both scenario battle and multiplayer modes as well.

The single faction RTS is surprisingly deep, with many unit types countering one another and forcing players to figure out the best combination for every situation. If your enemy has a lot of infantry units, you can pick them off easily with snipers, but then an armored tank will make those snipers useless. Helicopters then counter the tanks, which have no air attack, only for infantry units to then counter helicopters.

To build you’ll need plastic and energy, which can be gathered from household objects. You might decide to set up a base next to an old frisbee and misplaced wristwatch in order to get an economy going. Plastic can also be gathered from destroyed units and buildings, whether they’re yours or your enemy’s.

Power Ups are hidden around the map, which give boosts to your army. They range from a full heal to bonus damage and can often mean the difference between victory and defeat.

While not polished enough to stand alongside RTS legends like Warcraft or Command and Conquer, the game makes for a fun 12 or so hours of gameplay. It’s almost a return to form for the series, which sped off in a different direction from its initial offering by becoming one of hundreds of Halo-esque console shooters.

Verdict

The original Army Men games found their way onto Steam and took a well deserved spot in its vast digital archives.

They were good for their time but certainly show their age among modern standards. These days they might make for a fun romp and a great nostalgia trip if you can overlook many of the glaring flaws and clunky gameplay.

They made me feel old as I looked back and marveled at how I had the patience for such games as a mere child, but the more I played them the more the familiar giddiness from childhood drifted back. I had a great time. I would  certainly recommend them to fans of retro games with some genuine patience.

If you were to play only one, I’d suggest Army Men II, the pinnacle of the series. Army Men: RTS is a close second that gives a taste of where the series went before it got really, really bad and died unceremoniously.

I still wait for the day when the other gems of the 20 plus game series, such as Army Men: Air Tactics someday find their way onto Steam or a similar platform. But everything from Army Men: Sarge’s War and beyond can just go ahead and stay buried as far as I’m concerned. I’ll never forgive those last few entries for ruining such a fun franchise.

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